Living overseas I feel like an emotional basket case of roller coasting emotions, fits, mood swings, and drama. It seems like I can go from elated to depressed and vice versa in a matter of minutes. I know that life can be harder overseas in many ways, but I also know that life in one's native country has just as many ups and downs. Life is not magically made perfect simply by disembarking from that airplane in Newark or San Francisco. So what is it about life here? Why does every high and low seem so much more dramatic? There are probably many reasons and they are likely different for everyone, but I think these three reasons sum it up pretty well for me:
1. Familiarity
I am a creature of habit. My Meyers-Briggs personality type is INFJ. Although I adore a good adventure I prefer that my every day life be very well-ordered, scheduled, listed, and in all ways calm. I like to know what's going to happen next, better yet if I'm in control of what happens next (guess what God likes to use to challenge me the most! Ha!). That just isn't possible here. Stateside I get some semblance of predictability just because I know the ropes. I know all the grocery stores, how to find deals, whom to call when something breaks, etc. Here, between the different culture, our reliance on the embassy, and language barriers while trying to explain to the plumber that, no, you don't just need to clean the faucet, the water pressure really isn't working, there is pretty much zero control or predictability over anything. This makes failures all the more depressing, but successes make you feel like queen of the known universe. "If I can get it done here, what can't I do?!"
2. Nomadism
There are no roots in this life. As I try to plan my kids' education path, how to decorate the house, what to do with myself as the boys get older and so on, I find myself constantly stymied by the fact that I only have 1-4 years at a time to plan. And our tour at any given post could change quickly. If funding changes, if there's a major earthquake, if Al-Qaeda decides to blow up our Embassy we could be moved at any time. There is just no finality to any plan (see what I mean about God and His challenges?). So I might get all excited about a plan today and then realize that Gabey might not actually be able to start kindergarden in Indonesia because funding is uncertain after 2 years. Roller coaster!
3. Support System
It was tough enough to be in Wyoming those first few months, 2,000 miles from my closest friends and my family; but then I could call or text anyone at any time during the day and pour out my heart and my troubles. My bff, Heather, was always there to commiserate and validate my misery over yet another snowstorm in May or call my mom when Zack rolled over for the first time.
On the other side of the world I do not have that luxury. I can't call someone out of the blue because most people, including myself, don't have international coverage and it's generally midnight in Florida when the kitchen ceiling is gushing water on the kids' lunch or I find a colony of black mold in the storage closet. Skype dates have to be scheduled and often fall through due to unreliable internet. That mold might not seem so bad if your mom could tell you that minute about the mold in her kitchen cabinets. Or your mother in law could crack a joke about extra seasoning on the PBJs. Or your bestie could distract you with stories of her middle school students. Crying alone is no fun.
Victories aren't as sweet either. When I direct a taxi driver home in my host country language for the first time I want to tell everyone how cool I feel, but I'm limited to a Facebook post that they might see in 10 hours or so.
I turn to these three reasons to help myself feel a little less insane when I'm crying over 8 weeks of waiting for UAB and the next minute chortling over spending a ridiculously low price to have mani/pedis at home. Yes, life is a roller coaster everywhere, but here I think maybe the ups are a little higher and the lows a little deeper.
I can tell you for certain, you know that breath drawn in before the roller coaster makes its first plunge, well that's a doozy overseas. Maybe that's what makes the scream so much louder.
1. Familiarity
I am a creature of habit. My Meyers-Briggs personality type is INFJ. Although I adore a good adventure I prefer that my every day life be very well-ordered, scheduled, listed, and in all ways calm. I like to know what's going to happen next, better yet if I'm in control of what happens next (guess what God likes to use to challenge me the most! Ha!). That just isn't possible here. Stateside I get some semblance of predictability just because I know the ropes. I know all the grocery stores, how to find deals, whom to call when something breaks, etc. Here, between the different culture, our reliance on the embassy, and language barriers while trying to explain to the plumber that, no, you don't just need to clean the faucet, the water pressure really isn't working, there is pretty much zero control or predictability over anything. This makes failures all the more depressing, but successes make you feel like queen of the known universe. "If I can get it done here, what can't I do?!"
2. Nomadism
There are no roots in this life. As I try to plan my kids' education path, how to decorate the house, what to do with myself as the boys get older and so on, I find myself constantly stymied by the fact that I only have 1-4 years at a time to plan. And our tour at any given post could change quickly. If funding changes, if there's a major earthquake, if Al-Qaeda decides to blow up our Embassy we could be moved at any time. There is just no finality to any plan (see what I mean about God and His challenges?). So I might get all excited about a plan today and then realize that Gabey might not actually be able to start kindergarden in Indonesia because funding is uncertain after 2 years. Roller coaster!
3. Support System
It was tough enough to be in Wyoming those first few months, 2,000 miles from my closest friends and my family; but then I could call or text anyone at any time during the day and pour out my heart and my troubles. My bff, Heather, was always there to commiserate and validate my misery over yet another snowstorm in May or call my mom when Zack rolled over for the first time.
On the other side of the world I do not have that luxury. I can't call someone out of the blue because most people, including myself, don't have international coverage and it's generally midnight in Florida when the kitchen ceiling is gushing water on the kids' lunch or I find a colony of black mold in the storage closet. Skype dates have to be scheduled and often fall through due to unreliable internet. That mold might not seem so bad if your mom could tell you that minute about the mold in her kitchen cabinets. Or your mother in law could crack a joke about extra seasoning on the PBJs. Or your bestie could distract you with stories of her middle school students. Crying alone is no fun.
Victories aren't as sweet either. When I direct a taxi driver home in my host country language for the first time I want to tell everyone how cool I feel, but I'm limited to a Facebook post that they might see in 10 hours or so.
I turn to these three reasons to help myself feel a little less insane when I'm crying over 8 weeks of waiting for UAB and the next minute chortling over spending a ridiculously low price to have mani/pedis at home. Yes, life is a roller coaster everywhere, but here I think maybe the ups are a little higher and the lows a little deeper.
I can tell you for certain, you know that breath drawn in before the roller coaster makes its first plunge, well that's a doozy overseas. Maybe that's what makes the scream so much louder.
2 comments:
After reading your candid reflections about being a stranger in a strange land I am wondering if Sheridan qualifies...I relate to many things you expressed. ;-)
Interesting. I've been discussing MTBI stuff with some friends online, and it looks like you and I have the same personality type. I wonder if INFJ leans toward life overseas?
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